Regret + Jealousy = Love

This afternoon I was feeling a little sick. I needed to rest so that I could feel better. I lay down on the bed and slowly started to relax. When I relaxed, thoughts of my relationship started to fill my mind. I was thinking about regret. 

I had a relationship where I regretted everything all the time. I regretted the time that I used on trying to make this person happy. I regretted the years that I spent in the marriage. I felt that I literally wasted my life. The only thing that I did not regret was the children that we created together. They were perfect and still are after all these years. 

Feeling regret is almost as bad as feeling jealous. However, they are both weights and do break you down. Well at least for me. So as my thoughts moved to being jealous, I remember it hurt me right in the pit of my existence. It made me angry and sad and regret my relationship even more. Thus leading me straight down the road to depression. Besides, jealous is not a sign of me loving another, its me NOT loving myself. 

There is a good side to these thoughts! I promise! 

The thing that held me was the fact that I thought that it was love. It had to be love. If it wasn't love then I wouldn't be feeling this way right? 

Oh Youth! You make such a fool of us all. (haha.. that was corny but I felt the need to say that) 

My thoughts then started to drift on my current relationship. This is now my second marriage and it is very different. We too have created children. I searched our history for regret. I found none. I searched for jealous feelings. Yes, there were some but not anything we didn't fix. I searched for depression. There was some but it wasn't anything we couldn't fix. It is very different. The one thing that is the same is why I stay. For the fact that I believe it is love. Only this time, it really is. 

I need to remember that bad does not equal good. If I am feeling bad then something is very wrong. I can use this wisdom on every relationship in my life. Even if its just with a friend. I need to because there are a lot of instances that I get caught up in and don't understand why I am so unhappy. 

The trouble is is that it is always easier said than done. It took me years to figure this out. I am just so thankful that I did. I feel free. Or should I say free - er. 

I do love getting wiser. I know I have a very long road to go but I am more than willing to walk it. 

The moral of this story is - I AM SO GLAD I AM NOT A TEENAGER ANYMORE! Youth really is over rated sometimes! :):) 

GOD = LOVE